There's a Spot of Red on Your Canadian Flag
by Raggedy Doctor
Summary: Alfred thinks Matthew has no friends, but he's wrong. When he finds out who Matthew hangs out with he gets rather worried. In this chapter nagging, mistaken identity, and no one wants to become one with Russia
1. See the Trend?

Author's Note: I don't own Hetalia, nor do I mean any offence to any countries and their citizens.

* * *

"You know, I kind of feel bad," Alfred said in one of his rare moments of clarity. Francis blinked; he had been staring at Arthur's derriere the last ten minutes. Meanwhile Alfred spouted on about being a hero and how great capitalism is and on and on and on. The words jerked him back into reality though. America? Actually sorry for something? This should be interesting.

"Mm," he agreed pretending he had been listening the whole time, "Yes, it's a shame."

"Yeah," Al nodded rubbing the back of his head, "I mean, because of my awesomeness everyone forgets about him, so other than me, he has no one to hang out with."

Francis blinked, "Who?" damn he was caught in his inattention.

"Canada, Matthew, you raised him for awhile, he speaks French, has your hair. Remember?" Ah, not so caught after all.

"Oui! Of course! Matthieu," Francis nodded. Then he paused, "What do you mean he has no friends?" Yes, he and Matthieu hadn't been all that close since the whole Expo 67 Vive le Quebec Libre incident; however he was pretty sure that he wasn't that out of touch with the Canadien.

Alfred rolled his eyes, "Your really don't pay attention do you? Matthew doesn't really do much with you and Arthur anymore, the only one he really talks to is me," He explained, "Maybe I should be a brotherly hero and—"

Francis, not wanting to hear any stories about Alfred's plans on being a hero interrupted him.

"Matthieu has friends," He said. Yes, he was sure of it.

Alfred blinked at being interrupted, "No he doesn't!" he protested.

Francis smirked, who's the one not paying attention now?

"Yes he does, just ask him. I see Matthieu with others all the time."

"Who!?" Alfred seemed morally outraged that his plans to be a hero were hindered by his brother's audacity of not needing one.

"Your brother...Matthieu."

"No I mean with him! Who is friends WITH him!?"

That, Francis didn't know. Time to do what he does best.

"Oh would you look at the time, tea time, I'd better get to the kitchen before Arthur insists on trying to cook!" The Frenchman ran off.

"... Francis!" Alfred protested, but he was gone. He shrugged and scanned the room.

"Hey Al."

"Not now, I'm trying to find someone, don't bother me!"

If Francis wouldn't tell him he'd just ask Matthew himself. It took a good ten minutes to spot the Canadian. He had been standing across from Alfred snacking on some o'dourves the entire time.

"Matthew!"

Matthew blinked at Alfred's shocked tone.

"Um... yes?"

"I've been looking for you!"

Matthew gave him a long, slightly upset look.

"What?"

"You said that you were busy looking for someone when I said hello. You told me not to bother you..."

"Oh."

OH...

Ah...

"I was! But um... they're not here, so... I—"

"Didn't know it was me in the first place," Matthew sighed gloomily, a resigned look etched on his face. He was used to this, but really, his own brother; they live beside each other for goodness sakes!

"Sorry Matt, I know who you are... I just get swept up in my own awesomeness sometimes."

Matthew snorted...which Alfred didn't seem to notice.

"But," The American continued, "I promise, from this day forward I'll pay much more attention to you! I know it gets lonely up there, and since I'm the only one who ever seems to visit nowadays I think it's necessary that I look after you! You're my little brother after all." He ended with his Heroic Smile. No one could resist his Heroic Smile.

Instead of swooning with appreciation like he was expected to, Canada just looked mildly pleased and polite.

"No, no, that's not necessary, really I don't get lonely. I've got people over all the time." It almost seemed like Canada was protesting a little TOO much, but then again perhaps Matthew was worried that his awesomeness would be too much for him in large doses, and so was trying to hid it behind ill constructed lies. People at Matthew's house, hah.

"Kumajiro and beavers don't count Matthew," He tried to break this gently, but really just sounded like an arrogant jerk.

"I-I know that!" Matthew stuttered flushing a bit at his brother's words. He picked up the aforementioned bear that was currently snacking on shrimp. He held the ball of fluffy white tightly to his chest like a shield, "It's not like I don't have any friends! You didn't think that you're the only person I spend time with did you?"

There was a long silence and Matthew's thoughts were confirmed.

Alfred, as he was want to do, snapped first.

"Alright then, name these imaginary countries of yours!" So much for being understanding...

"Fine, Cuba," Canada crossed his arms.

"Pfft," America shook his head, "He's always mistaking you for me. What kind of a friend is that?" Besides, he thought to himself, he's a commie.

Canada gave him a withering look.

"China."

"Yao just likes crashing at your place because it's so big and spacious," Alfred scoffed, besides, he's a red.

"Korea."

"Same as Yao, he just likes your house and your stuff." Not to mention Alfred was pretty sure that he was at least half communist.

"I play hockey with Ivan all the time."

"WHAT?! THAT CREEPY RUSKIE COMMUNIST?!"

...

Wait a minute... Cuba, China, Korea and... Russia?

"THOSE ARE ALL COMMUNIST COUNTRIES!!!" he said pointing accusingly at his brother. Matthew blinked.

"So?"

"So? SO?! Better dead than red! Remember?!"

"Uh, that's your doctrine, not mine..."

"Next you'll be telling me going to war with Vietnam was a mistake!"

"I have already... I tried to stop you and Francis from doing stupid things like going to war against her, remember? And that time you shook me for an hour just because my boss suggested you leave her alone? Ring any bells at all? You know all those citizens that didn't show up for duty? They're at my house..."

Silence.

"Alfred?"

His... his baby brother, he knew that he didn't pay much attention... but... but communists!? They had crept up right under his nose and were trying to steal Canada from Capitalist bliss!!!

"Alfred? Are you alright?"

"Quick!" He suddenly said snapping out of his stupor, "Do you have any sort of 'social(ist) programming?' some sort of government sanctioned hand out?"

"Um, free healthcare?"

It was worse than he thought.

* * *

Author's notes: Gah... first hetalia fanfic. Hopefully not bad...

Historical events, kinda accurate but they're not chronologically correct in any way shape or form. They were just thrown together into one big blob of communism (kolkolkolkolkol)

I wish I could post this on the hetalia kink meme but that forum scares and confuses techno-illiterate me.

You can play spot the history, fail!author is going to bed.


	2. Between a Pinko and a Communist

Author's note: I do not own... and I don't mean to be mean! Just enjoy please!

* * *

Alright... alright, alright, alright... so his brother was a pinko. He was communist sympathiser, one step away from the dark side. It wasn't too bad though. He wasn't singing the Soviet anthem just yet. This could be fixed. He'd fix him. Alfred was currently was running down the halls dragging the pinko—his BROTHER damn it! Behind him.

"Al, where are we going eh?" Matthew protested, "You've been running frantically around the halls for a good ten minutes!"

"Capitalists can run forever!" Alfred declared. Matthew sighed.

"Did you get lost? The exit's to your left..."

"Capitalists don't get lost... and we don't go left!" Alfred shouted back determinately at his brother, "This is for your benefit!"

Because he was looking at the near red Canada and not the hallway in front of him he smashed right into another nation. (Oh no, an earthquake!) Matthew, not able to stop, tripped over his brother and landed on top of the clumsy oaf that wasn't looking at where Alfred was going.

"Ow..." Matthew muttered. A string off thick Newfoundland (and Labrador) dialect followed. Alfred wasn't too sure what he said after that, but he had the feeling it involved a goose and Nantucket...

"AMERICA!!!" the Nation under Matt shouted. Matthew quickly pulled himself up.

"Ah, no... we've been over this..." Matthew sighed offering a hand to help Cuba from off the floor. Cuba ignored it glaring hard at Matthew as he pulled himself up. Then he noticed Alfred.

"Two Americas?!"

"Canada! I'm Canada!" Matthew said plaintively, "Remember?"

Cuba looked between the two, "Oh! Matthew! I'm sorry!"

"You're on first name basis with him?!" Matthew ignored Alfred.

"It's no problem," he sighed, "I really need to have a word to shout at you so that you'll know it's me."

"Wouldn't the giant white bear be a giveaway?" Alfred grumbled.

For a short moment Alfred felt kind of annoyed that Cuba thought Canada was the original America when Alfred was standing right in front of him. But then again Cuba was a communist.

Wait... communist?!

COMMUNIST!!!

"Hey, where is Kumajiro?" Canada looked down at his feet, but the bear was nowhere to be found.

Alfred was frozen on dramatic point, and therefore could not answer. Matthew finally noticed.

"Um... Al?"

"COMMUNIST!!!" Alfred finally shouted. Matthew sighed.

"CAPITALIST!!!" Cuba mirrored pointing at Alfred.

"Guys?"

"Stay away from my brother COMRADE."

"I will be friends with whomever I please America!" Cuba growled. He suddenly grabbed Matthew and gave him a little half hug to show he was serious.

"Wait- um-"

"He comes over to my house all the time," Cuba smirked.

Alfred yanked his brother away and started trying to wipe off the Communist germs.

"Al what are you—" Suddenly Matthew was enveloped in a heroic hug.

"Well he's my neighbour, we've known each other forever and we've both faired England's cooking for a good portion of our lives. That creates a bond no Communist can break!"

"So World War I and II don't count?" Canada asked still crushed to Alfred's chest.

"You weren't in those," Alfred rolled his eyes. Canada sighed not even bothering to try and struggle out of the hug.

Cuba tried to pull Canada back and so a tug-o-war began the Canadian protesting the entire time.

"Guys? Stop? Can't you do this without me?! Ow!"

Suddenly America was being crushed between Matthew and an unknown party, although his communist party senses were tingling. Cuba was also being squished up against Canada.

"We are all having hug, da?"

Alfred froze. He was stuck between a pinko and a Communist. There was... no way out. He could feel the communism seeping onto him, telling him to sanction government owned businesses and becoming one with—No! He had to resist! Had to come to his senses!

"Ivan! Ivan let go! I can't breathe!" Matthew's muffled shout interrupted Al's thoughts of apple pies and hamburgers and... and he was really starting to get hungry...

"Ah, my apologies Comrade," Russia said. He finally let go of the three other nations and took a step back. He rubbed the back of his head with one hand. Kumajiro was being held with his free arm. The bear looked confused, but really that was nothing new.

"It was looking that you were having fun, da?" Ivan smiled. Alfred could feel the evilness coming off of him in waves.

"He's got a hostage!" Alfred declared pointing at the confused bear.

"Oh Kumajiro! You found him!" Matthew said in relief. Relief? His bear was being held by the Soviet threat!!

"Yes, he was eating all the finger foods," Ivan said holding the bear out towards its owner, "I thought it best to return him to you."

"Who?" the bear asked looking from Ivan to Alfred.

"Canada, da?" Ivan explained to the bear. Then, just to make sure, he looked between Canada and America, he was pretty sure he was handing the bear to the right one, but sometimes you just couldn't tell; although, it did seem out of character for Canada to be yelling things about the Truman doctrine and missiles. He was more for peace treaties and hockey games. He held the bear out in front of the other one who smiled, probably because he didn't have to correct the Russian himself.

"Thank you Ivan!" Matthew said cheerfully taking the bear.

"Da, you're welcome Comrade."

Damn it! Why was everyone mistaking Matthew for Alfred when Alfred was right there!? He knew that it wasn't the other way around, that would be crazy. Communist crazy... wait...

Before he could shout and point at Cuba and Russia again Matthew pulled him back.

"Nice to see you both--"

"What?!"

"But I think my brother and I have some things to discuss."

"You bet we have some things to discuss! The communist threat for one! Don't they teach anything at your schools?!"

"I'll see you later for the game Ivan," Matthew said attempting to drag Alfred away from the two communists.

"I FORBID IT!! NO WAY!!!"

By this time a group of other nations had gathered around to watch the ensuing Communist vs Capitalist clash. Some were confused by the two Americas, but it didn't stop them from enjoying the show. Perhaps the other America was an errant state. That would explain it.

Matthew suddenly let go of his brother spinning around.

"What do you mean you forbid it?" He asked, he looked aggravated and every now and then would look over to see more nations gathering around them.

"I mean no way. You are not hanging out with the Communists anymore!" Alfred declared. He looked into the crowd and spotted China and Korea.

"That goes for those two as well!"

Yao gave an annoyed little aru.

Yonsoo pouted, "I'm not Communist... although we did invent communism."

Matthew took a deep breath, "Al. Remember what I said about not being you?"

Alfred looked at him closely, "Uh... vaguely. True north strong and free... far and wide... glorious patriot love... something about standing on guard. In my own defence, part of it was in French."

"That's my anthem."

"Oh... well it's very nice."

"You can't tell me who my friends are Al." Matthew decided it was best to explain this as bluntly as possible.

It didn't compute.

"Yes I can,"

"No, you can't. Al, I'm an independent nation. I'm different from you."

"You tell 'em America!" Someone shouted.

"Arthur that's Canada!"

"Shut up you wine bastard, I knew that!"

"No you're not," Alfred's voice had gone up a notch as he desperately tried to cling to oblivious land. It was too late; the cat was out of the bag. Matthew was... different.

"Al, you're my brother, my best friend, my business partner, we need each other. I'm not going to abandon you, I'm not trying to hurt you," Matthew explained.

"Then it's them or me!" Alfred decided, "If you're not going to abandon me you'll quickly give up this Communism nonsense! If you're not with me you're against me!"

"Brothers should not be fighting," Ivan suddenly broke in putting his arms around both Matthew and Alfred's shoulders, "I know how to fix, you both become one with Russia, da?"

"Get your hands off me soviet scumbag."

"Ivan you're really not helping..."

* * *

End notes: poor Al... he points a lot doesn't he? Oh well he's heroic (dramatic) like that.

Ivan your solutions are always then same (sighs).

Cuba I don't know your name (tear) I don't think you have one.

Um read and review please? I'm glad people seem to like this so far.


	3. To the Club House!

Author: I don't own Hetalia, I own a maple tree though so can I have Canada? No one would notice! No? Alright then...

Remember I'm not trying to smear anyone's country it's all for the laughs.

* * *

"YOU! This is your doing isn't it?!" Alfred struggled away from the Russian glaring at him menacingly. Ivan gave him an innocent look.

"I do not know what you are meaning," He claimed. Alfred suddenly noticed that Ivan still had one arm around Matthew and tugged his brother away.

"Hugging Communists is bad," he claimed. He turned his attention back to Ivan without even letting Matthew have time to protest.

"You've been brainwashing him! Haven't you?"

"You are paranoid. There is no washing of brain going on," Ivan said very slowly as if Alfred wouldn't understand otherwise.

"You're the one who was spying on him in the first place!" Alfred pointed (dramatically) out, "Stalking him, infiltrating his government! The Soviet spy ring! That was my first indication that you were bad news!"

Matthew sighed; Alfred was never going to let that go was he?

"That was all in the past though, da?" Ivan said the wide smile not slipping off his face an inch, "He has made it clear he will not become one with Russia (for now) we are just good friends (for now)."

"Stop adding 'for now' please," Matthew requested, and was ignored.

"Oh, no I see what's happening now! The Soviet infiltration of Canada has continued!!!!"

"Ah, there is obviously no convincing you of otherwise," Ivan shrugged shaking his head still smiling. He looked over at Cuba.

"Comrade I have that... Ice cream... that you were asking about."

"Ice cream? But I was asking about miss—"

Ivan put a finger to his lips.

"Oh... yes..." Cuba glanced at Matthew suspiciously for a moment. Matthew rolled his eyes in response, "Ice cream." They both walked away without another word. Alfred yelled a few insults at their back, but after they turned the corner decided to call it a victory.

"That showed 'em... ah... Matthew?"

The Canadian was gone. Drat! He got away. He spotted Arthur and Francis in the crowd and rushed forward grabbing them both by the arms.

"Come on! You have to help me find Matthew and put him back on the straight and narrow!"

"What? But—" Francis began.

"Let go of me!" Arthur yelled as Alfred dragged them away.

"TO THE CLUB HOUSE!!" Alfred declared.

"You mean NATO?" Francis asked suspiciously.

"Yes, NATO!!" Alfred agreed.

Now that the show was over the rest of the countries disbanded gossiping about what was going to happen.

That left Matthew standing alone in the middle of the hallway with a headache. Alfred had forgotten who he was again...

* * *

AT NATO HEADQUARTERS (Belgium's Garage)

On the door a sign was pinned.

NO COMMUNISTS ALLOWED (this means you Ivan)

* * *

"If you'd please remember I am no longer really apart of this... organisation," Francis sniffed in distain. He and Alfred were waiting for England to come back with more members.

"This is important though!" Alfred protested, "You don't want to see Matthew taken by the communists do you?"

"We're not really on good terms right now..." he muttered. He might care about the boy, but Matthew has made it perfectly clear about him butting in on his affairs. It was the English in him, no doubt.

"Think of Quebec!"

"Them and their funny French?"

"Think of me!"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

England came in looking grumpy, "Belgium said she's too busy for this foolishness and to lock up when we're done. I did find Ludwig and Feliciano. They weren't doing anything important."

Ludwig twitched.

"I've been trying rebuild!" he protested, "I would have been done by now if it wasn't for—" He was interrupted by Feliciano.

"Ve, ve! What are we meeting for today? Will there be pasta?"

"No," the other nations grumbled.

"Because I can make some!"

"NO."

"Oh... okay..."

"Everyone take a seat," Alfred commanded, "Now, this is an emergency meeting which is why everybody isn't here. It's about Canada."

Ludwig nodded trying to look polite. Luckily for him, Feliciano had no qualms with asking stupid questions.

"Who's that?" he piped up.

Ludwig had the sinking feeling that this was going to be a long meeting.

* * *

IN CANADA

* * *

Matthew sighed entering his house. Yao and Yonsoo were already lounging on the couch watching daytime TV.

"You really didn't help with the 'inventing communism' comment Yonsoo," Canada said plopping in between them.

Both nations seemed startled until they realised who it was... which wasn't until Matthew practically screamed.

"I'M CANADA!!"

You'd think they'd have the decency to remember his face when they crash at his house so much.

"We did invent it though," Yonsoo insisted after Matthew calmed down a bit. Matthew groaned. He was going to be friendless for the rest of his life if this kept up.

* * *

BACK AT NATO

* * *

"The motion to have pasta at the next meeting is carried," Alfred said as the four to one vote (Francis had voted against just to be negative) was passed.

"Can we please get back to sanity?" Arthur begged, "It's been three hours. This would have only taken five minutes if Ludwig hadn't insisted we had to follow correct protocol!"

"It's important," Ludwig said in his own defence, "If we must do it, we must do it correctly."

"Why are we even still here?" Alfred complained.

"I don't remember, can we adjourned the meeting yet?" Arthur asked.

"It was Alfred's stupid meeting in the first place," Francis pointed out, "Something about communism."

"It was?" Alfred blinked. He thought about it for a moment.

Communism...

COMMUNISM!!!

"Why are you pointing?" Arthur asked. Alfred looked down at his right hand that was pointing accusingly at Belgium's bicycle.

"Um... force of habit. I remember! Canada! Matthew's in danger!"

"Who's—" Feliciano began but Ludwig covered his mouth with his hand.

"Keep going America." Ludwig barked.

"He's been hanging out with all the communists. Russia, China, Cuba, South Korea."

"Yonsoo's not communist," Arthur said.

"He invented it!" Alfred answered, "That makes him just as bad. I for one blame Arthur."

"What?" Arthur yelled jolted from his fuming about Alfred's time wasting.

"He's part of your Commonwealth. You share the same Queen! You should have been watching him better!"

Arthur scowled, "Mr. Independence says I should have been watching him better, what a joke! You're the one always spouting on about giving you two room to grow. If it's anyone's fault it's—"

"Don't even start Eyebrows," Francis cut him off before he could finish.

"I think he was actually going to blame America, France," Ludwig pointed out. Arthur shook his head.

"No, no, I am blaming Francis."

"See?" Francis growled turning to face the Englishman head on. Ludwig put his head in his hands. Why was he even here? Italy patted him on the back and offered him pasta... where the heck did he get that? He hadn't even left the room.

"How on Earth is this my fault!?" Francis yelled holding Arthur by the collar.

"You bring out his terrorist tendencies!"

"Because you repressed him!"

"I'll repress YOU!"

"France and England have started fighting, I'm leaving," Ludwig proclaimed taking Feliciano by the elbow and leading him out of NATO (Belgium's garage)

"But what about the pasta?"

Slam.

"I hope you two are happy," Alfred twitched.

"If it's anyone's fault it's Alfred's, he's his closest neighbour after all!" Francis declared as Arthur chewed his arm.

"Yes you're right, but you're at least partially to blame!" Arthur growled as Francis yanked his hair.

"You made them leave-- wait what? You're saying it's my fault?" Alfred asked dumbstruck.

"Yes!" both Arthur and Francis declared and then went back to fighting each other.

Alfred was stunned. Could it be it really was his fault? Yes he had had his suspicions, but he was a hero! Perhaps he had been pushing his brother away? He had to talk to Matthew. He left NATO (Belgium's Garage) to the bickering Francis and Arthur.

* * *

Author's notes: I don't like writing in-between chapters but that's what I just wrote. Some explanations are in order. There'll be more COMMUNIST!! (points) Canada, America interaction next chapter I promise.

Soviet Spy Ring: Some say that this was the beginning of the Cold war. Igor Gouzenko, a clerk working at the Soviet Embassy defected and provided the RCMP with information that proved there was a Soviet Spy Ring operating in Canada and other western nations.

NATO and Francis: France if my very, very vague timeline is to be believed would have been removing himself or be removed from NATO by now. (Don't worry he'll be back in 2009)

Funny French: Quebecois is different from Parisian French... which really doesn't explain why they teach Parisian French in English speaking Provinces... yeah seriously...

"This means you Ivan" on NATO'S door: The USSR offered at one point to join NATO for the sake of peace in Europe. The other countries were suspicious and so denied entry.

Canada's Terrorist Tendencies (seriously): the FLQ, just wiki it if you're curious

Ice cream equals?: Missiles... great code words there guys...

Where Italy got the Pasta: Even *I* don't know the answer to that and I wrote it!

Keep in mind my history is rusty and some of it comes from the uncertainty that is the internet and remember my timeline (what there is of one) is completely blurry and unreliable.

NATO=Clubhouse, end of story I would have made it a tree fort in Alfred's backyard, but the headquarters are in Belgium.

... that was a long end note... oh well... please read and review.


	4. No Need for a Tank

Author's note: it was my birthday so that's why I haven't updated in awhile (um yay?). I was also helping Nisha a bit with a fic idea (That's Amore) so if you like the strange idea of Italy/Canada (yes Italy tops) you should check it out. Now back to your regularly scheduled communism.

Remember this isn't supposed to hurt feelings; it's just a strange little fanfiction

* * *

It wasn't as bad as he was making it out.

Alfred had slightly calmed down since the meeting with NATO. He had planned to bring a tank with him and force Matthew to see the error of his ways (and forgive his brother if Alfred really was to blame... which was impossible...but... maybe true). So, yes, he had calmed down a lot, no tank, just him and his words would bring his brother back into the fold, back on the winning team, back with the good guys.

Yes! Okay! (Thumbs up)

He knocked at the door, but the suspense was killing him and so he kicked it down.

Yep, he was totally calm.

Matthew stood open mouthed a few feet away from the broken door, hand outstretched as if he were just about to reach for the doorknob.

"I-I was going to answer Alfred!!" He cried looking from the ruined entrance way to his brother. Alfred had a forced smile on his face.

"You were taking too long..."

"You knocked ten seconds ago!"

"Much too long."

"I called and said I was coming!"

"Matt. You took too long."

Matthew stared at him helplessly for a moment. In the back of his mind however, he felt vaguely pleased that Alfred actually seemed to recognise him... which was actually really depressing when he thought about it.

Matthew took a breath. This wasn't, after all, the first door Alfred had kicked down, "Al, I know you're worried about the whole... um... Communist thing, but I really do need to reassure you that I'm not a Communist and don't plan to become one. Really."

Alfred sighed looking relieved, "Really? You mean it? So you're not going to spend any more time with the Communist plague?" He walked further into Matthew's house looking much more relax and less deranged. So he wouldn't have to deal with this after all. Matthew had made his choice (Which probably meant it wasn't Alfred's fault the Communists had closed in for awhile... yeah!)

"I never said that," Matthew sighed. He went to close the door, but realized the problem with that, so turned to face his brother's back, "You need to listen. I can make my own decisions. Yes, we're pretty left up here, compared to you guys at least, but we have the same type of values don't we? Freedom, peace? And sure, you might be pushing democracy and capitalism a bit too far in some cases, but I believe you only have good intentions at heart. You need to trust my judgment. Yes, I get together with Communists, but I'm not a communist (or a lumberjack, even if you keep thinking I am) I AM Canadian-"

Matthew trailed off... he had never actually been able to talk with Alfred this long without the other interrupting. In fact... his American brother was very still...

Matthew passed Alfred in the hall to see what was wrong. Alfred was frozen pointing at Matthew's couch in horror... or rather the people currently lounging on Matthew's couch.

Oh for God's sake!

"Hiya America!" Yonsoon waved.

"Are you here to watch soaps too aru?" Yao inquired politely.

Matthew wondered mildly if Alfred was having a stroke from anger... if anyone could it was America.

"COMMUNISTS!!!" Alfred screeched suddenly making the three other nations jump.

"Um, Al, just wait, we were doing so well, you just need to—"

"YOU RED SON OF A GUNS!!" Alfred stomped towards the two on the couch. The two coward back. At the moment they'd rather be facing an angry bull than the angry American.

"YOU—YOU!! TRYING TO CORRUPT MY BABY BROTHER!! YOU THINK I'LL LET YOU?!?!" He grabbed the two by their collars dragging them off the couch.

"Alfred! Alfred let them go! They haven't done anything!!" Matthew protested pure worry in his eyes. Sometimes Alfred didn't know his own strength. He tried to pull Yao away, but Alfred elbowed Matthew to one side, not enough to hurt him, but enough to clear his path to the door.

"YOU ARE TO STAY AWAY!!" Alfred growled with an unhinged look in his eyes, "Unless," He said, his breathing becoming steady, his voice becoming softer, "You become capitalists... then, we might talk," His quiet voice was a lot scarier than his loud one.

"We—" Yonsoon stuttered, "Korea invented Capitalism..."

Alfred stared at him in utter confusion.

"But you invented Communism..."

"We invented that too," Yonsoon nodded.

"YOU'RE CAST OUT!!! Alfred announced, "IF ONLY FOR YOUR PARADOXICAL VALUES!!!" He threw the two of them over the fence.

"Ow." They both chorused from the other side.

"Stay away from Canada!" Alfred ordered. He smirked, dusting off his hands. That'll show 'em. He turned back facing an angry looking Matthew.

"You... you!" Matthew spluttered. He couldn't seem to get any words out, his face was as red as Russia's Soviet soul (which was as red as you could get). Matthew spun around and went back into his house. He flailed for a moment trying to slam the door that was no longer there, then sighed dejectedly. All his anger evaporated and he walked into the house with a bit of a slump. He went down the hall. Alfred followed.

"Don't talk to me," Matthew requested calmly not turning to face his brother.

"Matthew, it was for your own good," Alfred said trying to be stern.

"Talk to me later, when I've calmed down."

"Listen, it's good this happened, now we can start rebuilding our relationship. You don't need them."

"Talk to me after I've had a chance to rationalize this."

"They were just trying to make you one of them; really, I just don't want to see you get hurt!"

"You're not going away, are you?" Matthew stopped in the middle of the living room. He stared at the empty chesterfield.

"No," Alfred said firmly.

Matthew sighed, "Alright then," he turned a murderous look on his face which completely contrasted with his soft words.

"You. Idiot."

"Matthew, don't start."

"You numbskull!"

"Hey, you're not Mr. Perfect yourself!"

"You loud, arrogant, fool!"

"We'll you're too quiet and—"

"You're ideas are just too crazy, you big brainless kid!! You're too forceful with everything. You're always getting into fights, Enough with that holier-than-thou attitude!!!" Matthew was yelling now, "You always eat hamburgers! And buy strange things through mail-order! Then have the gall to try and sell those strange things to me!! Do you think I'm your underling or something!?!? You're always telling me to get rid of my trade unions, and telling me you hate my friends, and say that I only need you, but then you never call for weeks on end. You're always stirring up trouble in little countries and setting up dictators. You made me help you with NORAD, but you don't tell me what the heck is going on in the basement—"

Alfred opened his mouth to protest, but Matthew wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise.

"-- and don't say it's aliens Alfred, it demeans us both."

* * *

Four Hours Later...

* * *

"You always yell things and ruin the atmosphere. You're obstinate, opinionated, arbitrary, and you're always pigging out! ... and you're stupid!!" Matthew ended breathing heavily. It... it really felt good to get that off his chest. He blinked looking around... where was Alfred? He looked down. Alfred was sitting on the floor tears in his eyes, lip wobbling. He was clutching Kumajiro liked life preserver.

Oh... maybe he went a bit far?

Alfred started to cry.

"Ah..." Matthew stared awkwardly. The most powerful country in the world and Matthew had upset him by telling him off, "I-I'm sorry Alfred, I got carried away, it's just hard sometimes living next to you. I don't really mean all that (even though I kind of do)... you're... you're just overbearing sometimes," Matthew knelt down to his brother's level, "I-I still love you. I don't hate you or anything..."

There was no response from Alfred, he was in a shell.

"Who?" Kumajiro asked blinking. Wasn't the other guy supposed to cuddle him?

Matthew sighed, there was only one thing that could get through to Alfred now... but Matthew always felt silly saying it.

"And...and you're the most awesomist big brother ever," he said with little sentiment.

Instantly Alfred was on his feet smiling with his trademark heroic grin. Kumajiro's eyes were practically swirling at the transference from Alfred's lap to Matthew's arms.

"Really? You think I'm awesome? Well I AM pretty awesome, so I guess there's no doubt about your statement, right? You're too observant sometimes Matt, seriously I'm blushing."

"No you're not," Matthew said deadpan, "Can we please have a proper conversation now?"

"Bout what?"

"Your over-protectiveness," Matthew said, "Listen, for once in your life, listen. I'm good friends with Yao, Yonsoon, Cuba, and Ivan. Even though you're my brother and I love you dearly, I'm not going to stay away from them because you say they're bad."

"But they're evil! They're the enemy!!" Alfred protested, "If we don't stop them they'll take over the world!"

"Think about it this way Al, if you're bitter enemies and don't even try to be civil with them, who do you think they'll go after first? You realize what the ice cream Ivan was talking about is don't you?"

"Um? Chocolate?"

"No Alfred, miss—"

"Wait a sec," Alfred held up his hand.

"Alfred you really should—"

"I threw China and Korea over the fence."

"So?!" Matthew asked in exasperation.

"That's MY yard!!!" Alfred yelped, "We'll continue this later!!" He declared pointing at Matt and then hopping over the fence to track the two down.

"I'm going, I'm going aru!" China said walking out of the gate sticking his tongue out at Alfred... nuclear schematics under his coat...

* * *

End Notes: if you think Canada's rant sounds a bit familiar then you'd be right. Most of it is straight out of the Hetalia comic (Fly Canada Fly). Because, really, I'm pretty sure Canada's complaints don't really change much over time... and it seems to have the same effect on America (poor Al). There's an extra hour, because the Cold war added a few extra things for Matt to complain about (stop complaining Matt! You were just as paranoid as he was at times!)

Pretty Left up here: Canada's political right is in America's political left (cosmic)

For anyone wondering, a chesterfield is a couch.

I know "Awesomist" isn't a word... I just have a feeling that Matthew sometimes chewed Alfred out when they were colonies and that was the only way to make him happy again...

No China never stole nuclear secrets from America, they got Soviet help to developed their nuclear power.

The comment about NORAD and aliens is a very loose reference to Stargate (even though I don't think the stargate was operational this early) I'm an old fan of the series and I can't help but think that Canada must have known before all the other countries since the stargate was located in NORAD so America would have had to tell him... erm I mean us (personifying countries gets confusing on a day to day basis...)

Which reminds me I should finish some of my stargate fanfictions...

Pretty soon there's going to be an actual plot to this story, you'll see... (I mean, more than just Al running in and breaking down doors and ranting about the evils of communism...) There's even going to be a hockey game next chapter! (well... ... ... kinda...)

Still don't know Cuba's name... someone said it could be Cusa, but I'm just gonna stick with country name to avoid any confusion.

Angry America scares me... especially mother bear angry America... I would rather face Ivan, at least in his own way Ivan has a little bit of twisted logic, Mother bear America has none...

I love you Alfred, you're even the awesomist when scary.

Aw, no Ivan in his chapter... if it makes you feel better, imagine he was behind the couch listening in... ... ... in fact, forget imagining, he probably was Oo;;

Sigh... long end notes again...

Please, please read and review and thanks for all the comments so far, I hope this isn't getting boring.


	5. War of 1812

Hetalia: It's not mine it's not mine it's not mine! And I mean no offence!!!

* * *

Matthew gave a groan of dissatisfaction.

"You seem dissatisfied, da?"

"HOLY MOTHER OF HOCKEY—"

(Author: What—but... when did he actually...)

Ivan stood up from behind the couch much to Matthew's (and the author's) surprise.

"W-were you there the entire time?!"

"Da."

"And you said nothing?"

"Da."

"Why not?!"

"I thought it would be for the best," Ivan said easily, a peaceful (yeah right) look on his face, "It was seeming that America was upset and he does not care much for me on the best of days."

Matthew sighed, Ivan did have a point.

He looked from the couch to the Russian. It was odd how the huge man could hide so adeptly... very strange.

There was a stretch of silence while Matthew mused over this, Ivan didn't seem uncomfortable with it at all, Matthew, was doubly so when he remembered his uninvited guest.

"It would only confirm Alfred's paranoid fantasies of invasion if you had made yourself known," Matthew admitted. Still he wished the Russian had given him some notice. Edging his border with unidentified aircrafts playing his bizarre 'I'm not touching you' game was one thing but...

...

"Ivan stop it."

Ivan clasped his hands together away from the Canadian's (untouched) shoulder pouting slightly. How had he moved from the couch to Matt's side without the Canadian noticing?

"Not that I'm not... ah... happy... to see you... despite all the trouble you've been causing between me and my brother—"

"It is easy to fix, just become—"

"But why exactly are you here?"

"Hockey!"

"Hockey?"

* * *

"HOCKEY!!!" Alfred said slamming a newspaper down in front of Arthur. Arthur knew he shouldn't have taught Alfred to read. From 'Little Hero's ABCs' to the Declaration of Independence to 'Twilight,' it had only caused trouble for him. He looked at the headline with a sigh.

_Don't ask, it won't make sense and you'll be dragged in to doing something you don't really want to do. _

"What's wrong with Hockey?" He mentally kicked himself. Maybe he was wrong, maybe for once Alfred had a perfectly logical reason for bursting into his office and shouting Hockey... (although he highly doubted it)

"It's the center of the Grand Soviet Conspiracy to Conquer Canada!"

Should have known better than to be so optimistic... so the lout was still on about that?

"I don't see how a game of hockey will do much in the way of bringing Matthew and his citizens to their knees," Arthur said drily.

"That's what the communists want you to think," Alfred explained wagging his finger in Arthur's face. Arthur violently shoved the hand away.

"Oh yes? Pray tell."

"Well," Alfred beamed. Arthur mentally groaned this should be interesting.

"You see," the American explained with what he probably thought was a sophisticated tone, "Unlike you, I have been in the position to study Canada more closely than others might. Matthew, is an unassuming borderline spineless individual who will usually be happy to lead a cup of sugar (or a forest of cedars). He has a military, but it is small, and used for peacekeeping, not national defence."

"Perhaps he should invest more in national defence the way your thoughts are headed."

"This is my point, Russia could—"

"I wasn't talking about Russia."

"...You're obviously not getting the picture, just listen. His military isn't what an invader needs to watch out for."

"Oh yes?"

"Yeah, you see, this is why I couldn't make a dent during 1812, it wasn't your military prowess, guidance or anything remotely to do with you."

"What?! Did you sleep through that war?! It had everything to do with me! I was the one that kept you away from him!"

"Oh Arthur," Alfred gave him a patronising smile. Arthur seethed.

"If it wasn't because of MY superior war tactics and defending a huge border with a handful of men and volunteers while fighting a war with France, then who was it? Who saved Canada from becoming another one of your states?"

"It was the hockey players."

...

"Hockey players."

"Yes."

"Hockey was only just becoming a real sport in the 1800s, how could it possibly—"

"You see," Alfred continued, "This was before it was popular, so the Canadians needed some way to express their more base violent tendencies. If they had the NHL back in 1812 Canada would have willingly come over to my side, it would have been a matter of marching, just like my boss had said, but because hockey hadn't established itself, the Canadians had to do the next best thing, go to war!"

"You're completely delusional."

"I'm sure on the inside Matt was extremely upset that he had to go to war against his awesome big brother."

"He was more annoyed that you tried to invade him... and then you burnt York!"

"So, he fine tuned Hockey so that he would never have to fight against me again."

"Do I even need to be here for this conversation? Are you listening to me at all?"

"Hockey, is the key."

Arthur stared. He looked from Alfred to the newspaper back to Alfred and took a deep breath.

"So you're saying," Arthur said slowly, "That the reason you two hold the world's longest undefended boarder. The reason he's a pacifist, and you've never tried any of your manifest destiny idiocy was because of hockey. Because he got his anger out on the ice, and you were too afraid of rocking the boat. This is the foundation of your relationship?"

"Exactly."

"I really don't know what to say to you... and... I'm almost afraid to ask this, but how does it tie in with the communists?"

Alfred smirked smugly, "Well that's easy once you've put it all together."

"I have a feeling it isn't"

"Listen, Russia has obviously figured out how important hockey is to the US/Canadian relationship. He's trying to throw a soviet wrench in the works. Hockey pacifies Canada, Matthew, other than the occasional vocal lashing doesn't have enough negative energy to strike against me. I mean... have you seen that kid play? It's kinda scary, there's usually a lot of blood... and not HIS blood. Who would want to go to war after that? So, here's the insane cleverness that the communists have going for them, what if they got at Canada through Hockey?"

Arthur said nothing. He really wasn't needed for this conversation...

"Don't you see?" Alfred grabbed Arthur by his collar shaking him, "They'll beat Matt literally at his own game! Who knows what consequences that could have to the western world! What if, by showing their superiority in the sport Matthew decides to join the dominate hockey group, or, Canada's people as a nation riot so fiercely that the continent sinks! Or, or maybe Matthew gives up hockey entirely out of shame!! If he did that he'd try to burn down the white house (again), and then I'd be forced to retaliate, and the rest of the world, thinking that *I* was the bad guy, just because I have a bit of a record with war, would instantly jump to Matthew's defence, then the Communists would use this time of confusion to attack Great Britain."

Arthur perked up at the mention of Great Britain.

"The UK would become red! So France would have no choice, but to attack and win because of course capitalists always triumph over communists in the end. So, here we are. Matthew doesn't play Hockey, I'm homeless and you're speaking French!"

"We can't let that happen!" Arthur declared standing angrily, "No way in hell am I speaking French!"

"That's the spirit! So you'll help me sabotage the Russians to bring Canada sweet victory so that the longest undefended boarder will remain undefended?"

"Yes! Of course—wait... what?"

"That's great! I'll see you later then!" Alfred grabbed the newspaper off Arthur's desk and ran off.

"Wait... what... what just happened?" Arthur blinked. Was he just outsmarted by America? No... no... it was a fluke... just a fluke. But... sabotage... the... the Russians...?

Speaking French was looking better and better...

* * *

NOTES:

Russia behind the couch: Ivan is so ninja that he can destroy the fourth wall, read what's going on and act on it... with his MIND (Um okay? Alright I promise not to break the line of fic and author's notes again...) ;;

I'm not touching you: There's quite a few times where Russian aircrafts have flown into or very near Canadian (and probably American) airspace. I think I read a newspaper or internet article that described it as a game of I'm not touching you. I liked the idea.

Arthur's trouble with Alfred's Reading/Writing: Little Hero's ABCs I hope explains itself, the Declaration of Independence also explains itself, Twilight... well Twilight because it took away the last of the dying Harry Potter hype. (Hmm still have unfinished fanfics for that too...Harry Potter not Twilight)

Arthur's role in 1812: Don't believe Canadian myths of our great and wonderful militias, although they were pretty kickass at some points it was the British soldiers that really did a lot of the work. (I'm not sure, but probably some soldiers stayed and became Canadians or were Canadians and joined up, that seems logical to me but I'm too lazy to research too deeply into this)

Burning of White House: Alright there's lots of stories in Canada about the burning of the White House. There's even a song (a rather catchy song). Really, probably British soldiers with a tiny bit of help, but once again, I'm not going to research too deeply into this so take it as you will.

All in all though I think Arthur has the right to feel offended.

War=Hockey: Quite frankly some people get more worked up about the Stanley Cup than signed peace treaties so... ;; you never know maybe Al's insane theory is correct

Nation Wide Hockey Riot: ... I'd... actually kinda like to see that ;;

Long again... well you all should be used to it. No Hockey game in this chapter (I obviously write too much) maybe next chapter if I don't get distracted by Hockey communist conspiracies. You know, I totally think Alfred might be on to something here... damn he went off spouting about communist plots again... (hits self) Bad Author! Oh well... I guess this is the closest that I can get to a plot... ahh... Hope everyone still likes this, hope you're not all bored.

Read and Review (it usually guilts me into updating...)


	6. Hockey Mission

Hetalia: Not mine... and I really really mean this: no offense is intended, doubly so when it comes to Hockey (I know people can be touchy about their Countries/teams when it comes to sports)

* * *

Matthew headed towards the locker rooms a hockey stick in one hand and a bag of equipment in the other. Ivan walked out of his own locker room a smug look on his face. When he noticed the Canadian, the Russian looked surprised, but then something seemed to dawn on him and he smiled. He tugged a piece of paper quickly off the wall and crumpled it into his pocket.

"Hello Matthew," Ivan sung, "You are ready for the game?"

Matthew nodded a small smile growing on his face, "Yes, it will be nice to get out on the ice. I've been..." The look on the Canadian's face made the Russian shiver minutely.

"Tense."

Ivan didn't just gulp; he was swallowing his own spit, that was all.

"I hope we have fun!" Matthew added happily as he passed the Russian and went into the Canadian changing room.

Ivan quickly went back into his own. This he thought as he hummed to himself would indeed be fun, doubly so if he managed to avoid broken bones. It was nice to feel intimidated every once and awhile, however Matthew would be disappointed just as he had been in their last few encounters. Russia would win. Of that he had no doubt.

No doubt also that it would not be easy.

* * *

Fifteen Minutes Ago...

* * *

"Have I mentioned to you what a horrendous idea this is?" Arthur growled, "Not only is it obviously a tra—"

"Shh, keep your voice down!" Alfred hissed, "We're on a secret mission here,"

"You," Arthur pointed out resentfully, "Are the one that's humming the Mission Impossible theme music!"

The American moved to hide behind a locker pulling the annoyed Arthur along with him.

Alfred rolled his eyes, "It's for dramatic effect," He explained peering out from behind the locker. He then looked back at his companion putting a finger to his lips before humming the theme tune even louder.

"Why would you want to be dramatic while spying!? And why are we in the "Canadian" locker room?" Arthur tried. Alfred ducked under a bench which did nothing to hide him.

"The Soviets will expect us to spy in their locker room. They'll know that I know about their fiendish schemes and figure I'll try something with them so, they'll have their guard up," Alfred got up opening one of the lockers.

"Ah, yes, but did you not think that perhaps the Русские might know that you know that they know and make the logical leap that you might go into the Канадско locker room instead??"

Alfred thought about this, "You know I hadn't thought about that, and if they DID know that I knew that they knew, and figured out what I was doing, they could in fact plan a surprise attack for us. Luckily that doesn't seem to be the case, right Arthur?"

"You're a moron," Arthur sighed, "Look behind you."

Alfred did as told (for once). Arthur was currently being held between two giant Russian hockey players. Ivan waved at the American in amusement.

"Now what are you doing here Comrade? Your little brother isn't due to arrive for another half hour or so."

"We're his allies! We were just waiting for him," Alfred lied, "What YOU are doing here is a different matter however! You're the opposing team! You shouldn't be allowed in their locker room."

Ivan chucked, "Yes, you're quite right, that wouldn't be right now would it? Except that we are currently in OUR locker room."

"What?" Alfred gasped at this shocking turn of events.

"I told you that the piece of paper on the door saying 'This way to Канадско Locker room' looked suspicious, do you listen to a seasoned spy? An MI5 agent? No."

"You tricked us!" Alfred accused utterly flabbergasted at being fooled.

"Don't lump me in with you, you half wit!"

"It was not so very hard to do so Comrade," Ivan smirked looking highly satisfied.

"I know what you're doing," Alfred snarled as three more of the Russian's players came and grabbed him, "You stay away from my little brother!" With effort the three managed to hold him still.

Ivan just laughed his eerie childish laugh, "You're making false accusations. You need to learn how to play nicely with others like your little brother, da?"

"Let me go!" Alfred yelled almost throwing the three hockey players off.

"I think it is for best that you stay here for a little while." Ivan nodded to his players. Alfred and Arthur were gagged and shoved into a locker.

* * *

Hockey Time

* * *

The cheers of fans for both teams nearly shook the rink as they skated out on the ice getting into lines.

"Please Rise for the singing of the Anthem of the Soviet Union."

«Пожалуйста поднимите для петь гимна Советского Союза.»

The Audience stood, the Russian members singing loudly with their national anthem. Matthew was glad to see that there was no booing as his people tended to do when they were really riled up.

"And now please stay standing for the singing of the Canadian National Anthem."

«И теперь угодите останьтесь положением для петь канадского государственного гимна.»

Matthew always felt a little tearful when he heard his national anthem (in a mixture of French and English of course). He could feel the pride of his people as they joined together, forgetting for awhile that not everything in Canada was perfect, that there were still things to fix, still barriers that needed to be broken, but to realize, despite that what a wonderful place it was that they were living in, and how much better they could make it. It reminded Matthew of how lucky he was to be the country he is today. He was proud, very proud.

Underneath it all, he could feel the tense anticipation of the match. He knew it was going to be a good one; Ivan didn't pull his punches, ever. It would be nice to not hold back. Alfred was such a pussy sometimes when it came to The Game.

It was time.

Matthew skated and took the position of centre forward opposite to Ivan. He gave the Russian a sweet smile.

Ivan grinned back anticipation written clearly on his face.

The Ref skated over holding the puck. He looked at both the countries.

"I want a clean game," He said emphatically glaring at both of them.

Both Matthew and Ivan smirked at this. They eyed each other, promising the opposite.

The puck dropped.

Matthew tried to slap it away, but Ivan, as always, proved to be quicker than he looked. He managed to pass it to his Right Forward. Matthew gritted his teeth, practically flying at the Right Forward and managed to sweep it out of the Russian's sights. He passed it to his Left and sped down the rink, Ivan was right behind him, and then beside him. Ohhhh that bastard.

Matthew slid to a sharp stop. Ivan, not anticipating this, skidded forward, and tried to turn back, but was too late. The Left had managed to pass to Matthew who lurched to his right as Ivan tried to push him back. Matthew passed to his Right Forward. Ivan was right up against him again not even glancing at the puck.

"You wanna play or you wanna fight?" Matthew growled as they sped closer and closer towards the goal.

"I think you know the answer to that, Comrade."

Matthew gained more speed and swerved in front of the surprised Russian. They barely missed colliding. Matthew's Right Forward passed to him. Matthew shot, but it was blocked. Ivan recovered from the near hit and swooped forward retrieving the puck. He sped away keeping in front of Matthew. Try as he might, the Canadian couldn't catch up. His defensemen tried their best to block, but it was no good. The Soviets were in formation passing back and forth. Ivan shot.

The buzzer blared. Goal. Matthew's eyes narrowed.

Oh, it was ON.

* * *

Meanwhile, with our Hero... and Arthur

* * *

I t had taken him a good while, but Alfred had finally managed to work the gag out of his mouth, much to Arthur's dismay. Now he was crammed in a locker with America and America could talk, wonderful.

"Hockey players?! Those are hockey players? More like KGB dressed as hockey players!" Alfred ranted, "My little brother has to go up against those thugs?! They'll probably crush his skull before he even has time to put a hand on his hockey stick!!!"

"Mffmmfh."

"What?"

"MFFMMFH!!"

"Sorry Arthur I can't understand you with the gag."

Arthur, in a desperate move, started trying to kick the locker door out.

"Hey! That's a great idea!" with one solid kick, Alfred managed to break the door off its hinges. They both fell out. Arthur seemed to be yelling something, but the gag muffled it. Alfred tugged at his wrists and easily snapped the rope that restricted them.

"What were you trying to say?" Alfred asked untying his companion's wrists. Arthur ripped off the gag.

"I SAID SHUT UP!! YOU COULD DO THAT THE ENTIRE TIME!?!?"

Alfred blinked, "Uh, yeah... well... sometimes I forget my own strength, besides it wouldn't do if the Soviets were still here when I kicked down the door."

"It's been quite awhile since they left," Arthur pointed out, "We don't even know the score."

The two headed out of the changing room and through a crowd of people eating snack food and heading back towards the stands. They were chattering about the score and the excitement. Three fights already!

"First period's over," Arthur pointed out, "The game's already started. There's nothing you can do now."

Alfred groaned. They had lost so much time! Second period was about to start.

"Really Alfred, I don't think you have anything to worry about," Arthur said trying to make his argument sound reasonable for the not so reasonable Alfred, "Canada's leading 4-1, that's a huge cushion. I don't think he needs any help really, and besides, Matthew's lost hockey games before, it hasn't driven him over the edge yet!"

Alfred turned glaring at the older nation, "You don't live beside him."

"I don't see what that has to do with—"

"He takes it out on ME when he loses Hockey games, subtle, but vicious. Do you have any idea what he DID after you won Gold in '36?!? I was afraid to leave the White House for a month!!! Every time he loses a game a bit of his sanity breaks!!!! I have the feeling that if he loses this one, it'll be the straw that broke the camel's back!"

"And yet he can put up living next to you for who knows how long," Arthur muttered to himself.

"Hm?"

"Never mind."

"Ivan knows it too, look how he was waiting for us. He doesn't want us to ruin his evil schemes!"

"What are you planning to do now then?" Arthur gave up. There was no use fighting it, he might as well go along with it and plead insanity later.

"Improvise."

* * *

The CBC does it best

* * *

"It's a splendid day here we're at the first intermission. Canada leads the USSR by a score of four to one. There's been a long standing rivalry since the Soviets took the stage back in 54' winning the first of many Golds. How do you think the Canadians will fair today against such a dominate and fearless team Don?"

The commentator turned to the man next to him.

"What? What?! I gotta say something. I don't wanna get into a lot of trouble here, but what is this!? Hockey Night in Canada or Hockey Night in the USSR?! All I hear is how great these guys are. About how fearless, over and over again, and now I'm hearing the same thing tonight! Can't intimidate them, can't scare them. How about, in our last face off against the Russians, Williams, whacks a guy forty-two stitches and they want to go home?! How bout tonight? Williams grabs, slap, slap." At this Don made a few slapping gestures, "That huge Braginsky around. He hits the guy after the whistle! He submarined him, primo! After an offside!! It was one nothing, Williams grabbed the brute and slapped him round a little, now look. Four one! Can't scare them!? What is this?! I'm sick and tired of it. They're down four one. They are suck and they always have sucked!"

"Thanks for your input Don. The players are taking their positions back on the... wait... what on earth is this? There's someone on the ice!!"

* * *

TBC

* * *

Though I do watch hockey I'm not as hardcore as some (I only watch Olympic Hockey and when my team plays), so I found that I was lacking quite a bit in my hockey education (and most of the stuff I learned didn't even get put in!) Any who, you have no idea how hard it was to write this chapter. It's hard to write hockey diplomatically. And although by then the USSR has won quite a few World Championships, he's still kinda... unsure (cough) SCARED (cough) of Hockey!Canada, I mean, it is the only time Matthew shows any sort of aggression, can you blame him?

"Alfred was such a pussy sometimes when it came to The Game": Oooh don't flame me for that comment. I mean... American teams HAVE won all the Stanley Cups since 1994, they have awesome teams themselves.

That Guy Named Don: ... Alright, Don Cherry's not around (at least not as a Broadcaster) in my timeline... but... you can't have Hockey (especially Canadian Hockey) without Don Cherry (You actually can, but I thought it would be funnier with him). A lot of his dialogue is from an old Russia vs Canada game (1996 I believe) you can find it on youtube. Keep in mind if you're unfamiliar with him and look him up he's very... patriotic (and his suits might just blind you)

The Canadian National Anthem: No one's caught me yet, but O Canada WASN'T ACTUALLY THE ANTHEM BACK THEN!! (Gasp!!!!) It became the official anthem in 1980 (Yes! Only 29 years ago!!) , and although O Canada was around and sung, it wasn't actually the Anthem, God Save the Queen/King was. We added a little third verse, but that was the closest we got! (I'm sure Arthur was rather smug we kept it like that for so long, jk) However since I love the national anthem, and also since I also stated it was around when Alfred quotes it and Matthew points out that that's his anthem I decided to screw it (aka creative license)

Long author's notes are once again long, but hopefully they're useful. Thank you to all of those who are reading and all those who have reviewed (wow 50 already! Thanks so much!)


	7. Don't Muck with a Canuck

YES FINALLY I'VE DONE MY HARD ESSAYS BWAHAHAHHAHAA

Anywho, No offence

...

Seriously I apologise to all vegetarians right now...

This is SOOOO not Kosher...

* * *

And Now Back to Hockey Night in Canada...

* * *

"Thanks for your input Don. The players are taking their positions back on the... wait... what on earth is this? There's someone on the ice!! What's this!? They're dressed as a giant hamburger? What kind of joke is this? Wait! Now there's another guy! He's dressed as an Angel and seems to be covering his face in shame! What on earth is going on here eh?! They've stolen the Zambonie and are now charging at the Russian Hockey players! Braginsky looks mighty pissed. Woah now! Branginsky's stormed the Zambonie, but he bounced right off the hamburger guy straight back onto the ice! The other players have scattered! It's mayhem on the ice and in the stands as both Canadian and Russian fans boo at the new comers, the barriers are barely holding them back! I'd hate to be those two after the game. What's THIS?!? The Hamburger has kidnapped Williams! He grabbed the Canadian player by the jersey and is driving off as Braginsky tries to pursue! What? What?!? They can't get away with that can they? We're in the middle of a game! Don! What's your input!?!?"

"Truth be told now, I'm rather speechless eh? I mean... what can you say when a giant hamburger and an ashamed angel kidnap the star forward of your team? You have no words really for that one. I've seen a lot of strange things in my day, but this has got to be the second strangest."

"... what was the strangest?"

"I don't really think now's the time eh?"

"Ah... yes, quite right. Security has appeared, but they can't get anywhere near the zambonie because the Angel has a... wand? What? Where did all those flowers come from? They've buried the Security guards! The fans are outraged!!! Um, I think we need to go to commercial break right now... will Williams be rescued from his very strange kidnappers? Stay tuned and we'll hopefully find out!

* * *

On the Ice

* * *

"What the heck are you hosers doing eh?!??!" Matthew screamed, his Newfoundlander accent becoming thicker and thicker. Alfred had to use two hands to hold on to his struggling brother.

"Débiles! Bête!!! Hosers!! Merdie!! You dun understand? Do NOT Muck* with a Canuck!" Newfie AND French... he really must be pissed... "I'll eat your ear!! Ohhh you have cooked it this time Alfred, cooked it primo!!! TAKE OFF YOU HOSERS! I'll SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO COWTOWN IN PIECES YOU KNOW NOTHING GORBYS!!"

Matthew finally struggled away from his brother jumping off the zambonie...

And then he gave them both the Trudeau Salute...

"Arthur do something!" Alfred yelled, "He's insane! I can barely understand the words that are coming out of his mouth!"

"Well I'm not the one who taught him that sort of language. Blame Francis!"

"This really isn't the time to start a fight with France, he's not even here!" Alfred complained ducking behind the zambonie.

Matthew had gone on a tandem that Alfred couldn't hope to understand and he still had his hockey stick which he was gesturing with wildly, which really didn't bode well for the other two.

"I'm going to shove this up where le soleil ne brille pas!!!! 馬鹿!!" Matthew roared.

"Why the hell is he yelling in Japanese now!?" Alfred yelled incredulously.

"With his cultural mosaic he can swear in whatever bloody language he wants! Now duck!" Arthur yelped as the hockey stick flew towards the heads.

* * *

Now Back to Hockey Night in Canada

* * *

"Williams seems to be making obscene gestures with his hockey stick and the fans are screaming for blood! The hockey stick is thrown at the intruders, but harmlessly bounces off the hamburger's body! Wait— Branginsky caught the Hamburger! Don! What do you think he will do?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but in this case he might just want some ketchup and mustard to serve that burger up."

"Thank you Don. Now—"

"Seriously, am I the only one who's getting hungry here?"

"I don't think now's the time Don..."

* * *

The Ice

* * *

"WAH! HELP!!!" Alfred yelled as Ivan started spinning around holding on tightly to a piece of lettuce.

"Gahhh stooooooooooooop!!!!" Alfred screamed, "I'm getting dizzy! Stop it! AHHHHHHH!!!!"

"If you insist, comrade!" Ivan hissed viciously letting go the Hamburger flying into the air and into the crowds.

"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Arthur, seeing that the battle was no doubt lost, and that retreat was the better part of valour began to crawl away behind the Zambonie.

Matthew stood on the ice breathing heavily an icy look on his face, "Arthur."

Arthur tensed.

"Tell my dear brother that he's lucky he was thrown into the crowd because it was either he leave, or I go to Washington, and this time, I wasn't intending to ask your permission."

"Ah... yes my boy... I'll tell him that..." Arthur said standing up slowly and then sprinting off the ice in fear.

"It is good time for commercial break, da?"

"I'd say so yes."

* * *

... I gotta admit I want a picture of this... anywho.

*yes ... "M"uck that's what he said.

Well this is the chapter where I shoved all the Canadian slang that was not shared by the US into the chapter... and Japanese... Canada's REALLY mad.

Oh and if you've ever played Mario 64 Mario grabs Bowser and spins him around, then throwing him off of the edge......... that's pretty much what Ivan's doing with Alfred........

Oh my goodness, short endnotes! It's a miracle!!


	8. Rather be Fishing

Disclaimer: You know the drill and if you're still reading that I'm going to assume you're not gonna be offended (But if you are sorry)

A.N. for last Chapter: Japanese was used last chapter because I was lazy and that's what babelfish gave me... Punjabi or Mandarin probably would have made more sense but, as I said, lazy...

On another note: Wow! Lots of reviews (and readers!) Thanks!

And a very big thank-you to:

Lizeth http://lizeth. deviantart. com/ (remove the spaces after the periods) who recommended this story in their Deviantart account

And AnimaBaya for this fanart (Ha I caught you!) http://animabaya. deviantart. com/art/APH-America-s-Worst-Nightmare-125778939 (remove the spaces after the periods)

It makes me feel warm and fuzzy so a very big thank you to you both!

(Watch as they're not reading this anymore lol ;D srsly tho thxu!)

On a completely unrelated note I got Olympic Mittens (which, let's face it everyone and their dog owns if you're in Vancouver) and they are great... except I can't point dramatically like America in them. (Which made me realize how often I myself point dramatically... heh)

...America... who won in the hockey game... (cries) ... better watch your White House buddy (jk)

* * *

Arthur puffed angrily on a cigarette as he stood outside the stadium. That was it. America could deal with this mess by himself. It was time to go home, have some tea... mope for a bit. He wouldn't be able to show his face at the UN for a good two years thanks to that moron. He looked down... he was in a dress... oh yeah...

Improvise... ugh.

"Help... me..." Arthur jumped. The groan came from the dumpster.

"Who... who's there? You're not a troll are you?"

"...Arthur! This is no time to have a psychotic break down, get me out of here!" America yelled angrily. Even beaten down Alfred still had a mouth on him Arthur couldn't help but muse as he flung the lid off the dumpster. He wrinkled his nose.

"Is this part of your plan?" Arthur asked sarcastically. America glared up at him. His hamburger costume had been torn apart ... some parts of it had bite marks.

"I'm surprised you're in one piece," Arthur said as he pulled Alfred out of the dumpster.

"The burger took most of the beating," Alfred sighed in regret pulling the last few pieces (and a rotten banana peel) off him.

"Matthew told me to tell you to back off, or the White House gets it."

Alfred groaned again.

"Which was exactly what you wanted to prevent wasn't it?"

"Do you have to nag me right now?" Alfred grumbled.

Arthur had a fondness for nagging, so "Yes it's the perfect time to be nagging you."

"No it isn't! Braginsky's won! He got exactly what he was planning from the beginning." It was Arthur's turn to groan.

"You're saying that it was Ivan's plan ALL ALONG to have you dress up like a giant hamburger and humiliate yourself?"

"I know, devilish isn't he?" Alfred shook his head as if he himself couldn't believe Ivan's craftiness.

"I'm going home, never contact me again."

And thus Arthur went to the nearest bar to get drunk (happy end!)

* * *

Meanwhile, with China and South Korea

* * *

"That guy hasn't been back for awhile."

"Yeah...pass the chips..."

"Do you think he's ever going to fix his door?"

"I hope so, it's kind of drafty... hey, here's an interesting fact, did you know that Korea invented the door?"

"Sigh... aru..."

* * *

Meanwhile, with Matthew and Ivan

* * *

Ivan was rather pleased, no broken bones and they ended with a tie. Really it was to be expected though, how could his opponent concentrate with a... a brother like that hanging over his head. Belarus got a bit out of hand sometimes, but if America was_ his_ older brother he might just shoot himself in the head rather than deal with him... or shoot America... probably shoot America... did Canada have restrictive gun laws? Maybe that was why? He looked over at the aforementioned country who seemed deep in thought as well.

"How is it that you are doing?" The Russian asked, not unkindly, which instantly put Matthew on guard.

"... fine."

"You seemed rather upset with your elder brother," Ivan practically sung, not looking (or feeling) regretful over this fact at all.

"Um...yeah..."

"Very embarrassing, that crazy costume, da?"

"...mhmm..."

"I know what might make you better, why don't—"

"Ivan, if that sentence ends with, 'you become one with Russia,' I'd rather not hear it right now."

"If you are being sure then Comrade. Still, you should be keeping it in mind."

"Yeah..." Matt sighed. Now that the adrenalin rush had worn off he was a mixture of mortified, angry, and tired, and it was probably a bad thing that he was actually CONSIDERING becoming one with Russia just to spite Alfred.

"I'll forgive him tomorrow," Let him sleep in the bed he made for himself this time, at least for a little bit. Matthew nodded (mostly to himself) feeling a bit better.

Ivan, by that time, had forgotten about the Canadian (and potential land gains) being distracted by Cuba who had just walked in.

"Hola Ivan."

"Comrade! What is it that you are doing here? Have you decided to—"

"No," Cuba rolled his eyes, "I was just going to tell you that the missiles look great and America will never push me around again—CAPITALIST!!!" Cuba yelled in outrage and surprise pointing at Matthew.

"What? No!—Well yes—but—"

"How did America get in here!?" Cuba asked looking around quickly. Ivan also glanced around as if looking for a hole someone could squeeze through.

"I am not knowing, just a moment ago I was talking to Canada, his little brother, I do not know where he went either..."

"Yeah, Canada's alright, he probably left when THIS jerk appeared, not that I can blame him," Cuba said accusingly. Matt shook his head sighing, forget it, there was no point trying to convince them...

"Who?" Kumajiro blinked blurrily. He had been asleep in the corner.

"Canada, your owner," Cuba said petting the bear's head.

"I'm just going to go... be... capitalist... in the next room. I'll see you both later eh?"

"We can't just let you go now that you know about the missiles!" Cuba protested. Ivan thought about this and nodded.

"That would seem very unwise comrade," he agreed slowly.

"Of course you can!" Matthew protested.

"Why?" The other two asked.

"Uh... why?" Matthew blinked... that was a good question... "Because... I... am so annoying that I would annoy you to death if you captured me!"

The other two stared at him blankly.

"Because I am _that _awesome," Matthew added as an afterthought, "... Communists..." he weakly pointed at Ivan.

Ivan and Cuba made a face.

"He has a point," Ivan shrugged.

"GET OUT THEN AMERICAN SCUM!!" Cuba demanded, "Oh and can you please give him back to Matthew? I'm sure he'll be worried," Cuba handed Matthew back Kumajiro. Matthew sighed. Seriously guys... come on...

"Bye then." With that he left the dressing room before they could change their minds... or forget his very existance...

He had the strongest of urges to go to the east coast and fish for the next seven days, but decided he should probably warn Alfred about the imminent nuclear holocaust coming his way, that was the right thing to do.

But man, he really wanted to go fishing...

* * *

Notes:

Arthur... cigarettes: back then I would be surprised if he didn't smoke

China and Korea: the Communist and the sort of (not at all) communist are back at Matt's house and totally bored (the only thing that was on was Hockey oh snap!)

Canadian Restrictive Gun Laws: Probably not back then...

"Because... I... am so annoying that I would annoy you to death if you captured me!": Not that Canada THINKS that (...erm... probably) but he knows that answer will go over well with Cuba and Ivan

Not much for this chapter, but next chapter THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS!!! DUN DUN DAAAAA


End file.
